In a moving car...somewhere…far, far
away...
In this episode, our hero Phlatman
tries to explain to his trusted sidekick Bobbin why it is important to tweak
your car’s audio system. Phlatman, being a facts and figures guy, looks at
the numbers and tries to correlate what he sees and hears to what is
measurable striving to find the most linear frequency response possible
regardless of operating band. Bobbin, a bumbling off-the-wall pimple-faced
juvenile who thinks that iPods and ear buds are the bomb, explicitly trusts
Phlatman to share sonic truths with him so that one day audio crime will not
pay! Donning capes and masks so as to not reveal their true identities while
risking getting laughed out of vinyl record stores, our masked marauders are
on a continuing crusade to demystify audio subjectivity with supporting
scientific data in the never-ending quest for the flattest audio line
possible. Their new capes and logo should give them some chances to meet new
people and get a few dates while broadening their focus to things beyond
audio gear.
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Phlatman was truly shocked when
Bobbin drove him in his new car to the doctor’s to get the wax removed from his
ears. Boasting about his new factory car stereo, Bobbin cranked the volume knob
sharply to the right and said, “Listen to this Phaltman…I think you’re going to
be impressed!”
Earth shaking booms and
ear-splitting shrieks emanated from the rear of the vehicle and Phatman covered
his already wax-clogged ears. “What the heck is that?” he exclaimed turning
Bobbin’s proud broad smile into a mystified frown.
Reluctantly, Bobbin returned the
listening volume back to where one could heat themselves think. “What do you mean? This rig cost me an extra
two grand and the salesperson assured me that it was the state-of-the-art…”
Phlatman paused trying not to offend
his trusted companion; a select choice of words would undoubtedly be
appropriate so as not to hurt his feelings. “This sounds like crap! You got
took and you should be the one going to the ear doctor!”
As neutral as ever, Bobbin took this
criticism with stride and tried to understand what obviously Phlatman was
really trying to say behind his pointed attack. “So what did you not like about
my system?”
“First, it was way too loud. With the possible exception of a Grateful Dead
concert, louder doesn’t necessarily translate to better. Your amps were
clipping and that drives me nuts faster than anything else about any system.
When an amp clips, the distortion rises exponentially and to me the resulting
sound turns into sheer noise destroying what could have been a pleasant
experience.”
“So I should turn it down?” Bobbin
said with a puzzled look on his face. Bobbin liked it loud and when he let his
other friends listen to his rig, they always enjoyed it at that sound level.
“That’s a really good start. You
must realize that loud sounds are fleeting and your hearing is for your life.
If you want to hear equally as well when you are 40 as you do today, you must
temper the level of loud sounds to which you are exposed to save your hearing.”
“You mean that my hearing will
deteriorate with age?”
“What…er, I mean, yes. As you get
older, you lose the ability to hear very high frequencies and by not exposing
yourself to loud sounds, you can extend what you hear longer in your life.”
“My buddy Nick cuts trees with his
chain saw all day long without ear protection and he seems to be fine. Are you
sure?”
“Taking care of your hearing today
will give you years worth of pleasure. Your buddy Nick s in for a real surprise
in about 10 years. Trust me on this one.”
"Leaping Lizards, Phlatman. Is
this really that serious? I mean, I like to rock out and listening to loud
music makes me feel better."
"Bobbin, my dear friend, I am doing
you a favor by pointing out this dilemma."
"Some kind of favor, going
without loud tunes…and what else is wrong with it?
"Bobbin you must understand
something and that everything makes a difference when it comes to audio
perfection. The weakest link in the chain keeps you from reaching audio
nirvana. Your car stereo focuses on volume and a lot of it. The sound while
emotional is not realistic and harmful to your hearing."
"How so, oh great wise
guy?"
“Do me a favor…honk your horn for
me.”
“What the…OK. Here goes.” A blast of
air horns billowing out a rendition of Dixie filtered in through the closed
windows.
“Really, Bobbin…where is your higher
consciousness?...anyway, do that again and listen to how loud your horns are
inside the car.”
Bobbin did as requested and sure
enough…almost as loud as outside. "So you're saying my car stereo is junk?"
"Yes, Bobbin…very low-fi junk.
The road noise that creeps in through the door panels causes you to crank it up
to overcome that noise."
"So what do I do to get good
sound from my car stereo?"
"Good is a relative term
usually tempered by one's budget. Good to person A means under $100 and good to
person B means under $1,000. The problem with designing a good car stereo is
the amount of money you wish to invest. The biggest bang for the buck comes
with reducing road noise so that you don’t have to turn it up so loud. With
this you get a win-win scenario."
"So it's not so much the car
stereo as the investment in sound treatment?"
"Right you are, Bobbin, as usual.
You have been paying attention. Now where was I..."
"Bang for the buck…"
"Right. So instead of tossing
thousands into bigger amps and speakers, toss tens or hundreds into lowering
road noise. Sound treat the door panels, firewall, hood, trunk, basically
anything and everything between you and the outside world."
“Would fiberglass work?” Bobbin
remembered that fiberglass could be used inside of speakers as a good low-cost
solution and thought that this also would apply.
“Unfortunately, no. The problem is
that your car is exposed to the elements and there is just too much moisture
retained by the fiberglass in the places it needs to be used.”
“So what is a good alternative?”
“There are quite a few on the market
all work, but most of them have issues over time with the adhesive coming
loose. But a product called HushMat will
serve you well. It sticks to just about anything and doesn’t easily peel off, a
good thing if you want to reliably roll your windows up and down.”
“Cool! Can I do this myself?”
“Yes you can. The real question is
do you really want to or rather should you? Trained installers know how to take
your car’s interior apart and put it back together without even knowing things
were removed. You, on the other hand, have zero tools and zero experience and –
well, you may get yourself into a pickle. I would advise going to a reputable
high-end car stereo installer and having them do it for you.”
"Gee whiz Phlatman, I didn't
realize that. Thanks for clearing things up."
"Now wheel down to your local high-end
car audio salon and get something that helps you better hear what you have."
"Golly gee, Phlatman, where is
episode two? And what was that
reference to the Grateful Dead?"
"What? Let’s get to the doctor
quick and get my ears cleaned. Step on it!"
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| Steigman's Blown Away Poster for the MAXELL Corp., 1980 |
Join us next time as Phlatman and
Bobbin continue their never-ending pursuit of the straight line audio graph.
You may find them in your local audio salon, arms crossed and frown faced,
encouraging you to be very serious about the things you allow into your home
theater. Until next time boys and girls, remember what Phlatman always says,
"On the Eight Day, God created vacuum tubes..."
DISCLAIMER:
Phlatman and Bobbin are purely fictitious characters. Any resemblance to any or
all real people, politicians, lawyers, or super heroes living, dead, or
otherwise is purely coincidental. The USDA does not certify this as 100%
organic. These are professional drivers on a closed course: do not attempt to
do these things by yourself. Seriously, cars cannot fly. No speakers,
capacitors, inductors, wires, tubes, transistors, circuit boards, knobs,
gauges, meters, test probes, graph paper, instruments, or electricity were
harmed in the production of this thing-a-ma-bob whatchyamacallit. Your mother
was right.
SERIOUS NOTE:
Loud noise is a major source of
sonic discomfort, tinnitus, and eventual hearing loss. If you are seriously
into audio, save your hearing…turn it down! Doing so can help you hear those
amazing sounds much like you did when you were considerably younger. For more
information on hearing loss, see the Hearing
Loss Association of America, the Better Hearing
Institute, and many
others.
Yours for higher fidelity,
Philip Rastocny
I do not use ads in this blog to help support my efforts. If you like what you are reading, please remember to reciprocate, My newest title is called Where, oh Where did the Star of Bethlehem Go? It’s an astronomer’s look at what this celestial object may have been, who the "Wise Men" were, and where they came from. Written in an investigative journalism style, it targets one star that has never been considered before and builds a solid case for its candidacy.
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Copyright © 2015 by Philip Rastocny. All rights reserved.
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